In Playmore & Prosper’s first blog post in our series about resilience, Rob Winkler defined resilience as “the ability to endure, and even thrive, in the face of adversity because of internal and external resources.” These resources help protect us against negative life events and stress. A crucial facet of resilience is that physical and mental health are intertwined, and boosting resilience helps enhance both (Herrman & Jané-Llopis, 2005). In other words, attending to physical health potentially helps improve your mental health – and vice versa.
For my graduate degree in school psychology, I took a 2014 edX course on resilience called “Becoming a Resilient Person: The Science of Stress Management and Promoting Wellbeing.” This class is based on principles from the University of Washington and Dr. Clay Cook about stress and resilience. In my blog, I’ll be summarizing what I see as the key learnings in the class as well as my thoughts. If you want to learn more, the course is free and can be accessed at https://courses.edx.org/courses/course-v1:UWashingtonX+ECFS311x+2T2015/course/.
With that in mind, let’s dig into 5 research-based ways that you can boost your resilience!
1. Make an effort to develop mindfulness – not mindlessness.
We’re not always encouraged to seek the self-care we need in a demanding world with numerous competing responsibilities – increasing our levels of stress and breeding mindlessness. Mindlessness is reacting to situations and letting our emotions lead instead of our thinking (Cook & University of Washington, 2014). When we’re mindless, we work based off of our automatic thoughts and react accordingly. In other words, mindlessness is a type of “knee-jerk” response to situations. For example, say that your coworker Lena gives you a veiled insult about how brave it is for you to dress the way you do. Instead of constructively talking to Lena, it might be easier to make a passive aggressive comment back.
Mindfulness, as the opposite of mindlessness, is paying attention to the present moment in a nonjudgmental way. It breeds awareness of our thoughts and feelings, which helps us respond with calmness instead of stress. Cultivating mindfulness is important – but at the same time, mindfulness is also about letting go. Mindfulness is intentionally keeping your thoughts and emotions in the present without focusing on worries about the future or past.
If you’re like me, mindfulness sounds great but is an abstract concept to understand. Check out this article about ways to increase mindfulness for concrete examples of what cultivating mindfulness looks like. A way to start could be focusing on mindful eating – savoring your food and paying attention to the experience instead of speeding your way through a meal.
2. Pay attention to the positive and practice gratitude.
It’s easy to focus on what we don’t have instead of appreciating what we do have. Advising others to appreciate the positive is almost trite, because it’s commonsense advice. But it’s surprisingly difficult to implement because comparisons can be made to others, especially on social media. There will always be someone who you perceive to be smarter, more attractive, or more successful than you – no matter who you are.
The antidote to this is to make yourself your comparison. Focus on the things about you that make you amazing. It doesn’t have to be qualities that others appreciate (though it can be), but instead it should be things that make you feel good. For example, my sense of humor is one of my best qualities and focusing on that makes me feel strong and balanced. Connecting with your core values and embracing who you are boosts resilience.
Gratitude is also important – not just about your personal qualities but also about the things in your life that are good. In addition to being grateful for the big things in my life – for example, my health, family and friends – I can be grateful for something like a sunny day. Research has shown that gratitude helps boost life satisfaction, reduce loneliness, and potentially fosters progress with life goals (Emmons & McCullough, 2003; Lyubomirsky, Sheldon, & Schkade, 2005). To reap the positive benefits of gratitude, it’s best to incorporate gratitude into your routine on a regular basis.
3. Manage negative emotions and build positive experiences.
Life is challenging and has its struggles. Reframing overly negative thinking patterns/negative emotions can help us feel better in some situations. Consider using techniques from Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) to challenge negative thoughts. An excellent example of this is the CBT thought log (find an example here). In a CBT thought log, you record your thoughts about a situation – as well as evidence for and against the thought. This can help us avoid catastrophizing to see new possibilities if we're being overly negative.
Remember, however, that it's all about context: Do what works for you, and CBT might not be a good fit for everyone. Consider other ways of managing negative emotions if a thought log doesn't feel right. For example, journaling can be a good way for you to analyze your thoughts and gain fresh insights about your life. Even relaxation exercises can help– progressive muscle relaxation is commonly used by therapists to facilitate a sense of calm that helps protect us against negative emotions.
Another way to challenge negativity is by building positive experiences. Many of us focus mostly on the big positive experiences we have planned, such as a vacation or being able to see a loved one we don’t see often. However, smaller positive experiences are equally important. Adding something you enjoy into your routine – like a special cup of coffee in the morning – isn’t going to make or break your mental health. But cumulatively, chaining many small positive experiences together is a way to achieve a healthier frame of mind.
4. Incorporate therapeutic lifestyle choices (TLCs) into your routine.
A “therapeutic lifestyle choice” (TLC) is a lifestyle factor that helps boost wellness (Walsh, 2011). TLCs are cheap, easily-available ways to improve your health; they maximize physical and mental resilience. TLCs include exercise, nutritious eating, spending time in nature, and recreational activities. TLCs are about lifestyle – TLCs should fit into your daily routine and become habitual ways of living.
It’s important to personalize your TLCs so that they work with your life. For example, nutritious eating and exercise will look different from person to person depending on individual needs. Nutritious eating DOES NOT include dieting, unless there is a medical reason to lose weight. Instead, nutritious eating focuses on getting enough “good things” in our diet, such as fruits, veggies, and protein. For more examples on how to boost your nutrition, check out our NTP Nicole Rangel’s blog about strengthening your immune system or visit her profile page to seek individual recommendations.
TLCs are all about making small, maintainable changes in your lifestyle that benefit your overall physical and mental well-being – increasing your resilience. The key words here are small and maintainable; don’t put a lot of pressure on yourself to change your lifestyle in an extreme way, and take any changes one step at a time.
5. Connect with others.
Resilience is linked to our relationships with other people. In addition to creating positive experiences, close relationships provide a buffer against negative life events. Humans are intensely social animals: providing and receiving social support benefits us and is necessary for our survival. When it comes down to it, our relationships are what make life worth living. Building relationships, then, is a way to foster resilience.
However, relationships are about more than social support. Mentoring relationships also help boost resilience. Becoming a mentor to others is a way to feel a sense of self-efficacy and connection; it also allows us to broaden our perspectives to get outside of the bubble of our everyday lives. Meanwhile, receiving mentoring allows the mentee to gain the benefit of another’s experiences, knowledge, support, and social/occupational network. Mentoring is a win-win situation: Both giving and receiving mentoring helps us reach our potential as human beings by giving us opportunities to connect and learn.
Finally, performing acts of service for others is a meaningful way to connect. Helping others accomplishes a result and brings us closer to others in our community. Communities take care of each other, provide support, and often work towards a shared goal. Visit the website of a cause you support in order to find ways you might help build a sense of community both outside of and within yourself.
The purpose of Playmore & Prosper’s blog series on resilience is to provide you and (if you’re a therapist) your clients tools to build resilience. As with any change, remember to start small if you feel overwhelmed and build on tiny successes to reach a larger goal. Be kind to yourself, and be kind to others. We will have more tips and techniques in the third part of our blog series on resilience, which will be released in July. Meanwhile, feel free to check out part I of our resilience blog series and our COVID-19 resources page for more ideas.
Cook, C., & University of Washington. (2014). Becoming a resilient person: The science of stress management and promoting wellbeing. Class copyrighted through EdX. Retrieved from https://courses.edx.org/courses/course-v1:UWashingtonX+ECFS311x+2T2015/course/.
Emmons, R. A., & Mccullough, M. E. (2003). Counting blessings versus burdens: An experimental investigation of gratitude and subjective well-being in daily life. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 84(2), 377-389.
Herrman, H., & Jané-Llopis, E. (2005). Mental health promotion in public health. Promotion & Education, 42-47.
Lyubomirsky, Sheldon, K. M., & Schkade, D. (2005). Pursuing happiness: The architecture of sustainable change. Review of General Psychology, 9(2), 111-131.
Walsh, R. (2011). Lifestyle and mental health. American Psychologist, 66(7), 579-592.